June parties

May flies by the fastest of any month according to anyone's perceptions. It's just science, dumbass. Anyways this is what's been going on (featuring the cover girl from my ill-fated instagram @Slampsslammingpizza):​   ​ ​   ​ 

Pizza is the Key To Opening A Girl’s Heart (and Her Legs)

Apparently so is rudely asking why pretty girls are on Tinder: Guys, use these "lines" sparingly or you will oversaturate the market, and consequently, ruin a favorite pastime of mine. ***Bonus Insight: Texting is almost like a video game; it's a great way to waste time and have fun. However, as I've discussed with Eric … Continue reading Pizza is the Key To Opening A Girl’s Heart (and Her Legs)

Snow Days Part 3 (Obviously NSFW)

Fast forward a few weeks later: Eric and I are the Old Miami and know a guy down there with the best coke. We call em Loaf (yeah, like the bread) so we copped a teenth. Sometimes coke is so lame at times but at the end of a long day and tryna to coop … Continue reading Snow Days Part 3 (Obviously NSFW)

The Text Convo Following the Previous Autobiographical Story of Shame and Degeneracy

The next day I got a text when I was helping out at my grandma’s. You suck. Haaa, whose this, I sent back. Your mom. So your friend told me he has a girlfriend...Im guessing you have one too Nah. I jus don’t go around playing god with other people’s lives. Tht’s why I don’t … Continue reading The Text Convo Following the Previous Autobiographical Story of Shame and Degeneracy

The Sultry “Stuck in the Middle with Me”Postscript

(The names of characters in this story are all pseudonyms because this story could probably ruin some lives. I will never confirm who they are, so don’t try playing Clue with smartasses of the blogosphere.) I hopped in the back seat with Spencer, and told McInnes to hand my backpack. I starting kissing her, and she … Continue reading The Sultry “Stuck in the Middle with Me”Postscript

Snow Daze 1/4

(This is an hyperbolic account of a personal story of mine from two years ago. This is a judge-free zone, right?!) Winter in Ann Arbor: I was eating Vicodins like a fat kid chowing down Skittles. I was trying to kick pills at the time but to no avail. Eric and I went to the Old … Continue reading Snow Daze 1/4