Balling on a Budget

For the past 50 years it’s been just as ubiquitous lament among college students as “I need to get laid more”; yes, we students are usually broke by the end of the weekend. There’s simply not enough time in the week to earn a substantial paycheck and go to school full-time. Trust me, I’ve tried..twice.

The winter term of my freshman year I was taking 16 credits, cooking eggs at the Mojo cafeteria, and serving dinner at the Theta sorority. That lasted almost two years until I nearly had a nervous breakdown…okay, okay, I guess I repressed my stress for so long that when I finally burst, my mental space was consumed by blind fury something about working hard.

Oh yeah, I believed I had it rougher than most people attending this school. my dad wouldn’t even cosign a loan, so as a result, I’ve worked in nearly every shitty industry for the low-skilled and over-educated. It’s no fun, so if you’re young, naive, and dumb enough to just about try anything out with some nebulous idea of “romance” being poor, well, lose that attitude immediately.

If I had my phone on me, I would have taken a picture of the patch of gray hair that has sprouted this past year and posted it as a warning. (I’ll upload it later).

Anyways, if you’ve wanted to balance the seesaw between school,  work, social life, and sleep, and have invariably neglected at least 1.5 of those essential components of your life, then 1.) you’ve spent thousands more dollars than you’ve earned; 2.)you’ve been going out for so long the bouncers at 3/4 of the bars gladly let you skip the mile-long line; and 3.) you’re wondering where did all the excitement go, unable to even get the contact buzz in a roomful of underclassmen. And your kind of a shithead, but at least you recognize yourself for what you are.

That painfully long introduction was meant to stir your sympathy and gratitude for me, as I’ve sacrificed my mental well-being, physical shape, and all social contrivances for the sake of propriety.


So, I’ve been trying to put together a list of incredible deals throughout Ann Arbor for every day of the week. Let’s start with the bangers:


BTB Cantina– $2 tacos, $2 margaritas; let me confirm what you’ve heard-yes, their fish tacos elicit moans of “jesus-titty-fucking-christ” every time (the staff no longer talks to me).

Skeeps: To be honest, things like $2 tequila shots and Coronas contribute a lot to Skeeps reputation as the bar to throw down and have a great time hitting on 18 year old girls with fake IDs- so, it’s not the most mature thing to do, but I figure I’m the best man for the job of persuading her to come home and taste the tap water, which I swore was the best, most refreshing in town (true story). Regardless, nothing breaks up the monotonous stream of homework from Sunday until Tuesday night like getting pants-shitting drunk for less than $20. Added bonus: chicks will also let loose early in the week.


 Circus on 1st- You’ve most likely never heard of Circus unless you grew up in the surrounding area of Ann Arbor and its offshoots. Located right to the Bling Pig, Circus is painted to resemble a grittier urban landscape (the steps up to 2nd floor entry recalls a fire escape), Circus hit the ’80s not too long, and were given permission to have QUARTER beer nights. Yes, one quarter, 25 cents, an aluminum George Washington with little spending power in today’s day and age. Granted that this  special applies only 10 oz. Keystone’s and there’s also $0.75 PBR’s, the brainpower at Circus must’ve done some difficult research and discovered that most people want the weekend to start earlier, which would then cause Thursday night to lose its officially designated “beginning of the weekend (even though I’ve to work in the morning but hopefully easy”. Plus, they’ve free popcorn, free billiards, karaoke all-night, and there are plenty enough pretty, engaging girls to make it worth the trudge over to the west side of town with your coin jar rattling your pocket, and a devious smirk that sends the vibrational frequency of “It’s time to get fucking lit, babes and bitches!” down the spines of every poor girl thinking she’d meet a nice boy there, who  also grew up in the same general vicinity as she did.


Skeeps: Well, no surprise here. You can’t really beat a free nacho and buffalo wing buffet with the purchase of one beer. Totally different atmosphere then Tuesday/ Thursday/ Saturdays.Use this time to make conversation with the bartenders and bouncers and thank them (perhaps flatter) them for their extraordinary job of keeping that moving shitshow of human bodies a functioning bunch throughout the night.

So, that’s what I’ve got as far as the best deals of the week. Any suggestions for any of the days not listed already?

One Love,

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