FUCK TATTOOS

(^^^Either his uncle had “boundary issues” while dealing with young Lizard Man, or he must’ve been really pissed off at his old man. His entire body screams, “Fuck you, Dad!!!”)

Any time any one thing becomes super hip or fashionable to do/say/think in popular culture, I tend to get suspicious of that trend, because let’s face it, we are getting increasingly dumber as a species. Nowadays, tattoos are one of those things.

Once a practice reserved for sailors and prisoners has now crossed into mainstream popularity. Every man, woman, and queer identifying somewhere in-between seems to have one by the time they’re 20. We’ve gone from one extreme to the other so quickly that a generation ago, kids got tattoos to piss off their parents or say “fuck you!” to society; today, parents get ‘em with their kids. How many moms do you know with tattoos now? Any badass cachet tattoos formerly possessed is now eviscerated.

As with any popular trend, women have managed to hijack this one too, and notch it up to 11 on the retarded amp. I’ve seen so many shooting stars, Chinese characters, infinity signs and flowers over the past few years that women are pretty much signaling to the world at large that they’re interchangeable.

Maybe I just don’t “get” tattoos, and if that makes me a square so be it. Just don’t try to offer me an explanation on why you got one that I’ll find intelligible. Because it’ll never happen. Like the old canard that X or whatever it is was meaningful enough to have tattooed onto your body. A cross to show your love for Jesus? Going to church is probably a better demonstration of that. An Italian flag because you’re Italian? I knew that just by looking at your face because you look like a fucking dago!

Worse still are the ones that claim they are “addicted to ink”. Jesus-titty-fucking-Christ, with the cornucopia of mind- and mood-altering drugs out there, this is what you get addicted to?! I call bullshit on these peeps, and know that their only trying to cover up their lack of an individuality.

It’d be inaccurate to describe my position as “Man, fuck those kids with their tattoos”; it’s more of “let’s realize this is a fucking fad”. It’s not even that they will look dumb when you’re older, because we’re all going to look like a wrinkly ball sack. Just understand that by adhering to the present day pop-cult hive mind,  you will not be more badass, cooler, or any variation thereof. Any dude with a so-absurd-it’s-awesome tattoo was cool way before that, and anyways, you’re admiring his balls, not his tat, faggot.

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