The PG-13 Snapchats of Summer ’16

Ahh, there’s nothing like the fleeting innocence of Snapchat..10 seconds and poof! It’s Silicon Valley’s version of confession. Once you put it out there, the cloud magically wafts it away to never been seen again except for all the employees over at NSA.

Am I way too old for some of these girls or do I exude that much maturity and hard-knocks life experience? Or is simply unbridled sexual magnetism? I’m nonplussed by men my age or even younger who are awestruck that I have some “mysterious something” that they do not, which is why not they can never hook up with many of these girls. Ohh, well.

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Below is my girl Sarah (not girlfriend–she wishes). During the summer term she frequently walked passed our foreboding front porch in which my roommates and I were always pounding down cases and perhaps a few jibberoni’s. My buddy Eric hollered some cavemen mating call at her, so I had to take control of the conversation. She was wondering about a few houses down from our’s on Church St. and, I proceeded to tell the largest hunk of bullshit story…It went something like this: she was moving into a notorious Australian-only sorority, and most of the girls in it were from Perth, not Sydney. wink wink. Everyone stared at me as if I had just made a mess in my pants so I quickly recovered, going forward:”What?!? Nobody here knows about Perth? That’s where all the slutty girls of Australia are from. Sydney is too snobby and intellectual, and they all look like British (heh) models working in art galleries. Perth girls are down to fucking party!!!” And then I ran up to the porch, snatched a beer, and shotgunned it like a bitch, half of the suds falling over and staining my new white pants. We’ve been great friends ever since.

{Ed. : This section originally contained many more explicit and revealing pictures, not just as far as clothing and what’s exactly depicted in the scene, but the captions I furnished to provide a more complete picture).

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